I Don't Like Change, Charlie

Dear Charlie:

It's been quite a few months since you came into my life and replaced the standard monthly local bus T-Pass ("TP"). The most notable difference between the two of you was your appearance. TP would change colors every month and some transit marketing wizard would coordinate the colors to the season or a holiday taking place that month. I always wondered if there was one person with the sole job of designing the monthly T-Pass, if there was I'd take them out for a beer or two and try to cheer them up because they are now out of a job.

That is because, Charlie, you never changed. You never spruced yourself up in orange for October, or cool pastels in May, navy blue and red in April for opening day.

Not unlike the fanny pack, you were about function not frills. And I was quite okay with that, it was comforting even. I don't like change, Charlie.

We had our ups and downs, I often could never find you when you were needed the most, sometimes you would expire and still hang around and since you don't change from month to month, I'd foolishly try to use you and be belittled by the bus driver.

It was a few weeks ago when I started to get an inkling that things were headed south between us. I got on the bus to find this new shiny machine that I was suppose to put you in as opposed to just sliding you through. I consider myself to be quite on the ball, but I struggled a bit with it so you can imagine what the poor elderly people and various dim-witted bus folk went through. Since we know that most bus drivers have the patience of a diabetic gorilla deprived of a banana there were quite a few times that you were ripped out of passenger’s hands and inserted into the machine by the drivers themselves. It was all quite amusing in a way, so I forgave you, realized my cheese was moved, and dealt with it. I could never stay mad at you for long.

But yesterday my world fell apart, Charlie. Sure, I heard bits and pieces of the changes to come, but I was in denial. I never thought you'd really do it, Charlie.

Then I got this email yesterday:

Beginning with your January pass you will no longer receive a Charlie ticket at the beginning of each month. You will now receive a CharlieCard which will be your permanent pass and will be reloaded automatically each month. All you will have to do at the beginning of each month is tap your CharlieCard on the black target at the farebox and board the train or bus.

First of all, Charlie, you know how I like to randomly lose my credit cards, wallet, purse, bra.... how the hell am I going to hang onto you forever? At least when you came out monthly I knew if I lost you I only had so many days to wait before you arrived in an envelope.

And what's with this black target bullshit? People had a hard enough time using you the old fashion way and obviously wasted precious seconds trying to use you the newer way - and now this???

And the sick part of all this is, you are going up in price - meaning I am paying for these changes that were never really needed in the first place. I mean, if you and the T wanted to be more efficient, why wouldn’t you consider adding more buses and trains?

I just don't get it, Charlie. I'm pissed and hurt. And worst off I am stuck with you. I never thought I would find myself in a loveless relationship, but here I am. It sucks and I’m sad.

I hate you Charlie, burn in hell. Consider yourself couch-bound indefinitely.

Irately Yours Not By Choice,

Auntie Elizabeth Ann Scotch, IV