Take A Good Look Now....

I woke up and decided that I would attempt two changes in my life today - first of all, I was going to get my ass up and go to the gym and at least attempt to eat healthy. Secondly, almost as an afterthought, I decided there was no time like the present to try and train my cat Nickels to use the toilet. These ideas usually come to me before day-break, so there is mostly no rhyme or reason to them whatsoever.

I learned a valuable lesson the hard way about Nickels likes and dislikes -

Nickels likes to be fed and petted and talked to and played with.
Nickels does not like to be picked up and dangled over a toilet bowl.

I also learned that when relaxed she may give a nip or a quick scratch to my hand without any apparent provocation, but when she is in fear she goes for the face and neck, hissing violently all the while.

So that was the end of that.

I did somehow succeed in getting to the gym. I truly hate going back there after being absent for a week or two - everyone makes a big deal by hooting and hollering (do people still hoot and holler? well these ladies do) and asking where I've been all their lives, etc. etc. I can see their eyes peering at the expanded waist roll and my third chin that has popped up since they had seen me last.

Typically I fire off a round of excuses - sinuses, knee and/or shoulder pain, work woes, yada yada yada. But today I simply responded, quite truthfully, that I wasn't quite sure where I had been or why I had been away so long. I just woke up one day after another and decided that I didn't want to go there. I woke up this morning and decided to go. That's it.

I had a protein shake for breakfast and that coupled with the gym visit got me on the path to cockiness about how I was really going to do it this time. It surprised me how quickly this attitude popped up, it usually takes two to three days.

When I got into the office I began my "I'm On A Diet" ritual by going into my boss' office, as I always do, and warning him to "take a good look now, you won't recognize me soon, I'm on a diet." This is usually followed by a silent, awkward moment that makes me wonder if I just broke some sort of sexual harassment rule by insisting he take a good look at me.

Then I go around to various research analysts exclaiming how they "won't have my fat ass to kick around for long". No matter how many times we've been through this it always confuses and frightens them - most get worried that I think they kick my ass around and apologize for doing so.

Throughout the day I've done well and hope to continue on this path. I think I've hit rock bottom as far as my unhealthly lifestyle, but then again I never cease to amaze myself – who knows what the evening will bring.