I Wonder Why I Don't Have A Boyfriend?
So, I met someone last week briefly while I was out playing pool with some friends earlier in the week. The conversation, at least how I'd like to remember it since you know I had my share of the drink went like this:
Him: Are you from around here?
Me: Yes, grew up here actually, moved back about a year ago.
Him: Oh, I'm new to town, where is a cool place to meet folks?
Lightblub goes off, way over the top overzealousness overcomes me.
I tell him all about my new meet-up group and how we go snowshoeing, hiking, have book clubs, and they have pretty much every activity under the sun for whatever may float his boat. I jump at any chance to talk about the meet-up group. I love it. So of course by this point I sound like a complete nutcase.
Me: Yes, grew up here actually, moved back about a year ago.
Him: Oh, I'm new to town, where is a cool place to meet folks?
Lightblub goes off, way over the top overzealousness overcomes me.
I tell him all about my new meet-up group and how we go snowshoeing, hiking, have book clubs, and they have pretty much every activity under the sun for whatever may float his boat. I jump at any chance to talk about the meet-up group. I love it. So of course by this point I sound like a complete nutcase.
Funnily enough he does not mace me.
Him: What's the website?
Me: (fumbling for right address), Gosh, I'm not sure.
Him: How about I give you my info and you can email it to me? In fact, maybe you and I could hang out sometime.
Blank. ...blind....sirens.....
THIS IS NOT A TEST!!
SCOTCH, THERE IS A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX WHO SEEMS TO BE INTERESTED, ALBEIT DRUNK, BUT MAY BE INTERESTED!!
So he hands me his business card:
So he hands me his business card:
Brainy McBrains
Head of Intelligence
Wicked Smart Company
Right Near Where You Work, 01235
You get the point - this fella was not a slouch, according to his business card anyhow. I decided it was in my best interest to retreat to my friends at the table before I made up a crazy lie about my career or education to impress him. Booze brings out the storyteller in me.
Fast forward about an hour, Reg, Dottie and I are heading out the door. As I open the door to Regina's car I notice he is leaving as well.
Head of Intelligence
Wicked Smart Company
Right Near Where You Work, 01235
You get the point - this fella was not a slouch, according to his business card anyhow. I decided it was in my best interest to retreat to my friends at the table before I made up a crazy lie about my career or education to impress him. Booze brings out the storyteller in me.
Fast forward about an hour, Reg, Dottie and I are heading out the door. As I open the door to Regina's car I notice he is leaving as well.
It was nice meeting you, Scotch.
Oh yes, you too, I'll be sure to email you that.....
And that is all I got out before my heel slid off the curb and I went down like a ton of bricks right on my knee. He had to frigin help me up. My nylons were ripped, my knee was bleeding, my ankle in full sprain mode.
So that was the end of that.
And that is all I got out before my heel slid off the curb and I went down like a ton of bricks right on my knee. He had to frigin help me up. My nylons were ripped, my knee was bleeding, my ankle in full sprain mode.
So that was the end of that.
All weekend long I contemplated emailing him. Should I, shouldn't I? What was the harm? What do I have to lose? Then I realized I was giving this too much attention and decided maybe I'd come off as desperate and who knows if I'd even like the guy? What's a girl to do?
Yesterday at work I was pretty careful to avoid any places on my lunch break where I may run into him. I was thinking of walking home but then again became paranoid that I would run into him since he lives in the area that I have to walk through to get home. It became apparent that this was starting to rule my life. Or at least my day. Why oh why do I even attempt to talk to men in the first place?!?!
This morning as I was leaving the house I took good note of my coat and noticed that it looked like Jerry and Nickels (the cats) have been sleeping on it. I febreezed it down and then tried to get it as neat as possible, but really it wasn't so nice. I threw my hair up in my standard Monday through Friday ponytail, I've perfected the hasidic look since the two front curls aren't long enough to fit in the pony and just hang at sides of my head. No makeup of course. Oh you know where this is going, don't you?
So there I am, on the bus, blaring "Eye of the Tiger" on my ipod because I am indeed a loser. And all that paranoia - the paranoia that kept me from going to lunch, the paranoia that kept me from walking home, the should I or shouldn't I email him, did not prepare me for the most obvious scenario of all. Because as I sat on that bus in all my unattractive glory, who should get on but Brainy McBrains.
FUCK!!!!!
I immediately act overly preoccupied with something in my bag. My cell phone! Yes, my cell phone. I text Regina. I panic. I see him coming up the aisle but then I lose him. About ten minutes into the ride I dare to look up. He is sitting up front and not looking this way. Maybe he didn't see me.
No problem. I'll go out the back door. I make a scene getting to the back door at my stop and for some frigin reason the driver doesn't open it. All the other passengers proceed to the front. Not I. I cower in the back, missing my stop and looking like a complete lunatic to everyone remaining on the back of the bus.
I take a peek - shit, he's still up there.
Next stop comes. No back door again. What the hell!??!? WHY TODAY?!?!?!?
Finally, two stops away from where I should have gotten off, the driver opens the back door. By this time I am on the phone with Regina. She is instructing me on how to breathe. I RUN out of the bus, and RUN towards the square, all the while checking my wrist AS IF I HAVE A WATCH, and saying to Regina, my saint, "I'll be right there!! I am two minutes away!!" as if I have some big important meeting that I am late for and that is why I am running around like an asshole.
So really this is a prime example of why I am single. Now I am either going to have to quit my job, move, or walk to work to avoid this ever happening again.
Of course, this puts the internal debate on whether or not to email him to rest. See how things have a way of working themselves out?!?
Yesterday at work I was pretty careful to avoid any places on my lunch break where I may run into him. I was thinking of walking home but then again became paranoid that I would run into him since he lives in the area that I have to walk through to get home. It became apparent that this was starting to rule my life. Or at least my day. Why oh why do I even attempt to talk to men in the first place?!?!
This morning as I was leaving the house I took good note of my coat and noticed that it looked like Jerry and Nickels (the cats) have been sleeping on it. I febreezed it down and then tried to get it as neat as possible, but really it wasn't so nice. I threw my hair up in my standard Monday through Friday ponytail, I've perfected the hasidic look since the two front curls aren't long enough to fit in the pony and just hang at sides of my head. No makeup of course. Oh you know where this is going, don't you?
So there I am, on the bus, blaring "Eye of the Tiger" on my ipod because I am indeed a loser. And all that paranoia - the paranoia that kept me from going to lunch, the paranoia that kept me from walking home, the should I or shouldn't I email him, did not prepare me for the most obvious scenario of all. Because as I sat on that bus in all my unattractive glory, who should get on but Brainy McBrains.
FUCK!!!!!
I immediately act overly preoccupied with something in my bag. My cell phone! Yes, my cell phone. I text Regina. I panic. I see him coming up the aisle but then I lose him. About ten minutes into the ride I dare to look up. He is sitting up front and not looking this way. Maybe he didn't see me.
No problem. I'll go out the back door. I make a scene getting to the back door at my stop and for some frigin reason the driver doesn't open it. All the other passengers proceed to the front. Not I. I cower in the back, missing my stop and looking like a complete lunatic to everyone remaining on the back of the bus.
I take a peek - shit, he's still up there.
Next stop comes. No back door again. What the hell!??!? WHY TODAY?!?!?!?
Finally, two stops away from where I should have gotten off, the driver opens the back door. By this time I am on the phone with Regina. She is instructing me on how to breathe. I RUN out of the bus, and RUN towards the square, all the while checking my wrist AS IF I HAVE A WATCH, and saying to Regina, my saint, "I'll be right there!! I am two minutes away!!" as if I have some big important meeting that I am late for and that is why I am running around like an asshole.
So really this is a prime example of why I am single. Now I am either going to have to quit my job, move, or walk to work to avoid this ever happening again.
Of course, this puts the internal debate on whether or not to email him to rest. See how things have a way of working themselves out?!?
Labels: Dudes, Regina, The Frigin Bus
posted by Betty Blog at 6:44 AM
7 Comments:
YOU. CAN. DO. IT.
Darling:
E-Mail him. Have a bottle before you do it, if need be, but do it you must.
Good Christ. Don't do it. If you're this bent out of shape by a chance meeting on a public bus, you'll probably break out in bleeding hives at an actual PLANNED meeting.
What's his email? I'll email him for you. I've already written the email:
"Hey, It's Scotch. Me and couple of my friends are going out for a few drinks after work on Thursday. If your not busy, join us! BTW, I think I saw you on the bus the other day. Shoot me an email or give me a call at 555-1234"
Don't hide from him. Make yourself seen around where you work and he'll be forced to engage you, giving you more power.
Really, what's his phone number? I'll call him right now for you.
Thanks for all the comments everyone! The episode on the bus was ridiculous, I know, but I was totally caught off guard. I agree about the bleeding hives, although I must say if it were a planned meeting, I may be able to cover them up with some bare minerals or something.
I gotta say this is kinda funny ;) only in the way we can all relate because it happens to us, too
Still, just make yourself more presentable for the next time, then make it a point to talk to him again. You can throw in what an awful week you were having (which would explain, in case he noticed you, why your mind was preoccupied and you may not have seen him)
I can totally relate to this story! Even though I know I'm acting absurd when I'm doing it.. there's been many a time when I've ignored someone because of my own insecurities! When in fact, I should be doing the total opposite!
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