Riding the Dog

I've done it many times, and I am guessing you may have done it a time or two yourself.

The term "riding the dog" was born out of the story of my friend Lady who went to dinner at her boyfriend’s boss’ house and got so drunk that she attempted to ride his Collie around his living room.

So the true definition is:

Riding the Dog
Pronunciation: 'rI-di[ng]/ the 'dog, ('däg)
Function verb
1 : to make an ass out of oneself in front of someone to be respected due to consuming copious amounts of alcohol.

Riding the dog has been on my mind today because Saturday my company holiday party. Company parties can provide vast oppurtunties for riding the dog.

One of my favorite dog memories, one that I share over and over with friends when they are beating themselves up about making a fool out of themselves, happened when I was in my early twenties.

I was up for a semi-big promotion (semi-big to me anyhow). I spent the day at work interviewing with my potential boss, the president of a large firm, and was quite confident that I aced the meeting and would be offered the job.

That night was a retirement party for one of the more beloved executives in the upstairs room at Three Cheers on Congress Street. I wasn’t exactly invited, but I was bolder then and an open bar made me not hesitate at taking the risk of crashing.

Crash I did. I sat at the bar with my fro-worker Linda and consumed one captain and coke after another. Three or so hours into the soirée we decided for safety’s sake it may be best to get out of there and retreat to a bar where no one knows your name. I reached in my bag for my wallet and surprise, surprise – no wallet.

Let the scene begin.

In the matter of five minutes the entire party was hunting around the place for my wallet. My potential boss led the pack in the hunt. After about ten minutes we gave up, I figured that I must of left it at the office and I would stop in and grab it on my home.

As I headed to the stairs, I noticed that potential boss was standing right near the exit and thought there was no time like the present to really drive in my appreciation for not only taking the time to interview me but also help me look for my wallet.

“I just need to say this…” I slurred as a look of fright began to creep over his face.
“You are, a very, very, very”….at this point I am grabbing his hand…. “nice, nice man.”
Then I went for the full on hug, which, in hindsight, I appreciated that he accepted.

As I let the inappropriate embrace loose, I suddenly felt a little woozy. I stumbled a bit and eventually lost my footing…and then, proceeded to roll down the stairs.

Not trip.
Not fall.
Rolled down the stairs.

When I hit the ground I immediately dismounted out of the fetal position (my brother, as a fire fighter, has always been impressed with how well I fall - “you tuck and roll, just like a professional”) onto my feet, dusted myself off, and gave one last wave to my potential boss as if nothing even happened. I heard him calling behind Linda to “make sure I was okay” as we both roared with laughter toward the exit.

After hitting another bar we eventually headed back to the office where I found my wallet. Just put a cherry on top of the beautiful evening I decided that the right thing to do was leave potential boss a long-winded, drunken message about how I found my wallet and how nice it was of him to help me look for it. “Hope I didn’t cause too much trouble with the wallet business…” I remember saying. As if after the stairs he could even remember the wallet.

It took all the emotional strength I had to do the walk of shame into work on Monday morning.

But I did, and potential boss called me into his office and got up to shut the door when I sat down.

The panicked thoughts that went through my mind in the five seconds I was waiting nearly made my head explode:

great, I’m being fired, or worse, they are sending me to rehab to dry out....

He sat down, extended his hand out, and said “Congratulations.....on your new job…and oh… finding your wallet.” I shook his hand and briefly contemplated going in for the full on hug….nah….