Five Reasons Why I Am Glad You Are Single Today

I initially had this titled “Ten Reasons Why……” but then I got stumped. Maybe I’m not so glad you are single. For crying out loud go get laid.

1. While others are daydreaming about what their lover has planned you are focused on your job or at least pretending to look busy by running around the office with papers in your hand, acting self important, and unnecessarily hitting the reply-to all-button on emails just to prove……I don’t really know what your point is with that. But stop.

2. If you were in a relationship, you may not have time to take my calls and discuss what happened on Dr. Phil last night. Oh you missed it too? Let's take an educated guess - he was pissed at someone. And he loves his wife. Yeah, we get it.

3. Do you really need that chocolate? Hate to say it, but you've really packed it on since the holidays.

4. Think of all the free time you have to download internet porn now that you aren't wasting it shaving your legs or clipping your nose hair. As a side bonus you don't have to hide that porn from anyone - but remember, Jesus always knows. Always.

5. You are saving a ton of money on romantic getaways that you can put toward your model train and Hummel collection.